How to protect yourself from fraud when using Internet personals and dating agencies
Before you even THINK about online dating, you MUST know about dating scams.
This is serious: if you get too deeply involved, a dating scam can significantly hurt not only your heart, but your finances, too.
Make sure you know how to protect yourself from fraud when using dating sites!
Internet personals, online introduction agencies and matchmaking sites allow anyone to join for free, and they usually do not screen their members.
This means you never quite know who is behind this pretty photo: a real beautiful woman or a con artist who downloaded a photo of an unknown model from the Internet.
There are four basic types of online dating scams:
1. Prostitute scam
Prostitutes are generally pretty straightforward: they place profiles on dating sites to solicit business.
Such profiles are usually easily recognized by sleazy user names and steamy self-descriptions. They don’t waste time letting you know what they are after.
2. Phone scam
This is the variation of the old phone scam: the person asks you to call them, and when you do, you get a bill in the mail for hundreds of dollars (ie – an overseas 1-900 number, sometimes done as a re-direct from a domestic number).
3. Travel scam
The person resides overseas and asks you to help them with travel expenses to visit you.
4. Nigerian postal scam
The person pretends to be a relative of a diseased government official (not necessarily from Nigeria) who asks for your help in a financial transaction. (I can’t believe there are still people falling for this one.)
So, how can you protect yourself from being taken by Internet con artists using online personals to reach their victims?
Here is the simple guidance that will make your use of online dating sites safe and secure.
First, when you view a profile, look out for the things like a sleazy user name, especially if it’s a woman.
Guys cannot stop thinking about sex 24/7 (and it’s normal) - but women normally don’t do it. Sincere women don’t usually choose user names like “the_sweetest_sin”, “ms_right_now” etc.
Second, carefully read what the profile says.
People milking others for money will say something vague that can fit anyone, may leave too many “holes” in their story, or may talk about things that don’t quite “add up”. Listen to your gut. If something seems fishy, it probably is.
Third, look at the photos.
Gorgeous professional photos in combination with vague, provocative, and/or sleazy profiles almost always mean trouble.
Real people with beautiful photos normally receive LOTS of mail and contact, so they become VERY selective and include many specific requirements in their profiles (especially women).
Basically, any woman who talks extensively about loving sex and experimenting in bed is most likely not for real. If it were true, she probably wouldn’t need to be cruising the personals for dates!
Any man who talks about being a millionaire isn’t for real either, for the same reason. If he is (rich), he sure doesn’t need to be putting ads on a personals site.
Plus, most wealthy men are on guard against “gold-diggers” and con artists, and so are usually very reserved and under-stated about their fiancial means. Real men want to be loved for THEM, not their money.
It doesn’t mean there are no women who love sex and experimenting in bed or millionaires on the site - they just DO NOT generally talk about that in their profiles.
And any person who does, is a more than likely liar and a fraud, or worse.
Simple.
Another HUGE warning is overseas profiles.
Often people would list their location as being local to you, and when you start talking to them, they reveal they are actually from overseas (Nigeria, Russia, etc).
Such profiles should be treated as potential scams - always.
If the location in the personal profile doesn’t match what the person first says about him/herself, my advice is to immediately drop it altogether and don’t waste your time.
If you decide to proceed, do it for entertainment purposes only and don’t get emotionally attached.
What will happen, sooner or later you will get a money request in some form - they need money for a sick relative, an operation, an accident, etc - or they want to visit you and need money for tickets, or need you to “cash a check” and wire the money back to them, etc.
No matter what the reason, there WILL be a money request!
When this happens, you can play along and have some fun, asking for instructions and promising to send them money - just don’t actually SEND it.
If you do happen to succumb and send money, there are two variants: they will disappear, or they will ask for MORE money (hey, if you were so stupid to send it once, why not try again!) - and keep asking for more money until you stop sending it.
Don’t even HOPE this is for real!
Because it’s NOT.
You may want to believe it is. Your mind will look for reasons, rationales, and excuses as to why “this” person is actually for real, no matter how it looks.
Many will write to you, talk to you, even call you, appearing to pursue a very legitimate relationship with you, until they’ve built up your trust and slipped by your defenses, or obtained some very personal information.
No matter how special they might make you feel, they are quite probably doing the very same thing to a dozen or more other people at the exact same time, lining up their “pigeons”.
So, who would you choose to believe: me, who tells you this is a scam - or them, who ask you for money (which you can NEVER recover)?
I work in online dating since 1999 - I KNOW.
Trust me on that.
Long distance + request for money = SCAM.
Forget any sweet stories you’ve heard in between - and any sweet pictures, too. Most likely, the pics are downloaded from the Net and belong to some obscure model. (Hey, there have even been scammers using MY pictures! ;-))
Guys are more vulnerable to this one than girls: I have never (yet) heard about a woman who wired thousands of $$$ to some guy to come and visit her - but the Internet is PLASTERED with stories of men sending money to their non-existing female admirers.
How wonderful… this perfect female specimen cannot wait to get hold of your zipper and provide you with the greatest pleasure you ever experienced!!
OF COURSE she sincerely loves you and is different from any woman you ever met before (and probably a couple of generations younger than you as well).
C’mon mate: those perfect Playboy-type exemplars dying to try your new sheets exist only in the virtual reality of your correspondence and your imagination.
They are just about as real as Santa Claus or tax-free Nigerian millions.
You know this one: you get a mail from a relative of a deceased top government official who begs your assistance in transferring large sums of money (stolen from the country’s people obviously) - and easily promising to give you a few millions if you simply allow them to use your bank account.
The people may list themselves as being from Nigeria, or any other African country, Eastern Europe, Indonesia, or the Middle East.
This one is clear as daylight, so if anyone starts talking about money transfers, honesty and trust, simply BLOCK them. Do not even respond!
Remember the formula:
Long distance + request for money = SCAM.
This is of course not to say that EVERYONE you meet online is a scammer or a con. And many perfectly fine but insecure people are guilty of writing a vague, too-good-to-be-true profile.
Just be careful, and on your guard.
Don’t reveal personal financial details about yourself, or information that could be used to steal your identity, and NEVER, never ever send money.
No matter how sad their story, or how much they play upon your sympathies.
Use a throw-away email account, Instant Messaging with a throw-away ID, and make your first meeting with any person in a public place with plenty of people around.
Use a PO Box or mail drop, and don’t give out your home or work address, until you are very, VERY sure about the other person and the future of the relationship.
I hope this article will help you protect yourself from dating scams and you will only meet honest, sincere and genuine singles from now on.
Happy hunting! :-))
Elena Solomon has worked in online dating since the early days of the Internet. She is the exclusive dating consultant to Soulmades.com.au - an Internet personals website for smart singles seeking love, romance, relationships and fun, and is the author of 12 Simple Rules for Success in Love, Life and Online Dating.
This book shows you EXACTLY how to change yourself into a confident and happy person who attracts people naturally. A special section in the book is devoted to online dating.