When it comes to fighting and disagreeing with men, women frequently make a critical fundamental mistake which ends up causing them to feel hurt and lonely.

Here is the scenario that typically happens.

During a routine conversation there is a disagreement between the woman and her husband/boyfriend. It starts out in a logical manner with two reasonable adults simply talking about a problem or disagreement.

Then at some point in the discussion, the woman gets her feelings hurt and responds in an emotional manner, making her emotions and feelings the issue.

All of a sudden the entire dynamic of the conversation has changed, and the man feels he has been betrayed, and trapped.

While the discussion was logical and factual, it had the similar feel of a business meeting where everyone has the sole goal of finding the answer to the problem.

No one would dare interject their feelings into such a discussion, for fear they would be viewed has weak and childish.

In the business world (and in a man’s world), accomplishing the task is the primary goal, not making everyone feel good.

This is how a man views a discussion that is logical and factual. He believes that if the woman’s idea is so good, then she should be able to prove it, logically and factually.

“She wants to prove her point so I’ll prove mine. May the best man win,” is how he thinks and has no idea that she really only wants to be heard/understood.

When women interject their feelings into a discussion that has become competitive in this sense, it makes men feel as though they are being blamed for being logical, which causes them to react defensively in anger.

Men say to themselves, “She asked me to prove my point and when I do she gets her feelings hurt!”

He feels as though he has been blind-sided by the one thing that makes him feel powerless, a woman in pain.

The man feels tricked by acting strong, only to have her pull the “feelings card” out when she was starting to lose the argument - so now he feels entitled to punish her by becoming angry.

That really is how most men think or react in that scenario.

If you are a woman, a practical rule-of-thumb when discussing a topic, is that if you want to debate, prove or “compete” with your boyfriend/husband on a matter of fact or opinion, then stay in that role throughout the discussion.

If you want to be “heard”, understood, or nurtured, then relate to him by first sharing how you feel about the subject.

Don’t switch to becoming a soft, feeling and vulnerable woman after you have presented yourself logically. All that will do is encourage him not to discuss such things with you again in the future, as he’ll be afraid of you dropping the “feelings bomb”.

Most of the time, I suggest that you start off gently by speaking to him first about how you feel concerning the issue, so he can recognize your feelings, which will also signal to him that you are not trying to be competitive.

On the occasions when you do need to “prove” or make your point, hold your ground and maintain the logical or factual basis of the argument, regardless of how you “feel” about what is or has been said.

Remember, it doesn’t matter so as much to which way you relate to him (logic and facts vs. feelings), but the most important thing is not to combine the two.

Bob Grant, “The Relationship Doctor” is a Licensed Professional Counselor, therapist, and relationship coach, and is author of The Woman Men Adore…and Never Want to Leave . As a relationship coach, Bob has been helping women achieve the relationship of their dreams throughout the United States and the world. For a free report of “How to be Irresistibly Sexy to Men”, click here.