Almost overnight, the soaring popularity of online dating has virtually revolutionized the way that potential couples meet each other.
Today, it is not at all uncommon for the average single person to have at least tried an online dating service at one time or another, and many more are currently active on at least one or more online dating sites.
In fact, this trend is rapidly becoming the norm. As the pace of life quickens, and more and more people find their lives consumed by work and travel, online dating provides a convenient and time-efficient means of meeting new people, and carrying on the initial “get acquainted” stages of a relationship.
As recently as 2004, it was estimated that residents in the United States alone spent more than $460 million on online dating services, and the figure is increasing every year.
Nor is the phenomenon limited to just the United States and Europe. In virtually every part of the world, anywhere where computers and a connection to the Internet are available, more and more people are turning to online dating services and websites for assistance in meeting new people, and potential romantic companions or mates.
There are many reasons why so many people find this method of meeting new people so appealing.
For one thing, everyone is doing it! Online dating is totally modern and “hip”. There is an endless variety of online dating services available, many of them catering to specific groups or interests. A tremendous number offer free services and memberships.
A combination of curiosity, the allure of the computer technology, and the desire to meet new, exciting people outside of their normal existence, seems to be what draws people to be a part of an online dating community.
Of course, like any human activity, there is a price to pay, and the need to be alert and on your guard against people who would seek to take advantage of your human needs and desires.
Given the scope of the Internet, and the number of people who are active and satisfied participants in online dating services, the number of actual problems is really quite small.
Just often enough, however, we hear well-publicized “horror stories” of fradulent activity, assaults, or relationships gone horribly bad.
Such stories, as relatively infrequent as they occur, are often enough to keep new or casual users away from the whole idea of online dating.
Probably the largest problem facing operators and members of online dating services, is the very same thing that makes online dating so appealing in the first place - the ability to participate anonymously, and the ability to shield your real identity.
Not everyone tells the truth about themselves online. Even the most honest will want to put themselves in “the best light”.
Least problematic are the “little white lies” that people tell - shaving a few years off their age, for example, describing themselves as looking like some well-known celebrity, or inflating the success of their career.
More serious are those people who may mis-represent their marital status, claiming to be single when they are not, right down to criminal elements or violent personalities who are deliberately attempting to lure the unwary into a bad situation.
The key thing for the beginning online dater to remember, is to be knowledgable and alert. Online safety involves the same kind of common-sense approach as safety in your day-to-day offline life.
Be on the alert for warming signs, and for things that “just don’t add up”, or that seem much too good to be true. Beware of anyone asking for money, or who seems to be asking too many personal and identifying questions about your personal life and financial affairs.
As a general rule of thumb, most online dating services who offer paid subscriptions are relatively safer than those that can be accessed for free (other than for a basic or “trial” level of membership).
Paid membership sites generally have a set of established requirements and guidelines that new members must meet in order to be accepted. Some will even conduct address and identity verification, and background criminal checks, before allowing a new member to post a profile, or contact other members. This information is kept private, and is not posted on the website.
The very fact that the other member has invested in a paid subscription indicates something to you about their level of seriousness, and sincerity. The fact that the online dating service depends on this fee as income gives the operator an incentive to make sure that their membership has an enjoyable and safe online experience.
Most individuals looking to commit fraud will join a large number of websites as “free” members. In fact, if you browse through a number of sites, you may begin to recognize similar (or identical) profiles on a number of different sites.
Here are some safety tips to keep in mind when it comes to online personals and dating:
1. Pay close attention to the consistency of the information that you are receiving from the person (or persons) that you are corresponding with. Be alert for things that just don’t seem to “add up”.
While it is normal for most new contacts to be somewhat circumspect about giving you too much detailed information about themselves right away (as you should be also), you want to be alert for areas where the person actively seems to be concealing something, or is not giving you the “whole story”.
2. Take steps to protect your real identity, until you have actually met with the person and are confident that they are honest and sincere, and you have decided that you want to pursue a more involved relationship.
You should be able to do this without tripping alarm bells in the other person’s mind. For example, it is quite commonly accepted among the online dating community that you will not tell the other person your full (or last) name. In fact, it is quite common to use a “made up” name or screen name, that may or may not be variation of your real name.
Personal information like your phone number and physical address, and the actual company or location where you work, should also not be given out, until such time as you have met and / or are completely confident that you want to pursue the relationship. Beware of persons who press you for such information.
If necessary, it is perfectly acceptable to use a free “throwaway” email address, such as Yahoo, Hotmail, or GMail, for your initial communications. You can also rent a mail box or drop. You can use a special Instant Messaging ID that you create just for your contacts, and you can even engage in voice conversations over the Internet.
Many online dating sites have advanced features available that enable you do do these things.
Keep in mind that you do not want to divulge information at first that would enable the other person to locate you, if you were to decide not to pursue the relationship.
In fact, if you do agree to meet, you should take care to meet in a neutral public location, such as a restaurant or club. Continue to do this until you are confident about the other person’s intentions, and sure that you want to continue the contact.
3. You should immediately break off communications with anyone who seems obsessed with acquiring personal and identifying information about you. Such people could be dangerous, or may be attempting to gather information that could enable them to “steal” your identity. Honest and sincere people will understand your need and desire to guard this information, and will not press you for it.
Unless you work for a huge global corporation with many locations and offices, you should also probably only talk about your job in very general terms, and not identify the specific company or location where you work. Again, you don’t want someone you’ve just “blown off” to start showing up at your office or workplace!
4. Watch out for warning signs of instability, violent, or abusive tendencies. These might include the use of foul or abusive language (before they’ve learned what your comfort level is with such language), signs of anger or loss of temper for no apparent reason, elusiveness or evasiveness in aswering direct questions (again, avoid asking the sorts of questions that you know they shouldn’t be answering at this stage, which are the same questions that you shouldn’t be answering either), manipulative behavior, someone who seems to be playing upon your sympathies, disrespectful remarks, etc.
These signs are some that could spell trouble. The person exhibiting such behaviors may not be trustworthy, may have ulterior motives, and continuing the relationship could be potentially dangerous.
Check your “gut”. If it doesn’t “feel right”, it probably isn’t. Take extra care before proceeding, or move on to another prospect.
5. Once you agree to actually meet your date, don’t ask or invite them to your home, or have them pick you up there, at least for the first time or two. Go seperately to meet in a public place that is well-lit, in a good neighborhood, with plenty of other people around. Do this for as many real-life “dates” as you need to, until you feel very comfortable with the person, and have verified that they are worthy of your trust.
On a similar note, if you find that after 3 or 4 dates, that you still do not feel comfortable or “sure” of the other person, or if THEY continue to “put you off”, or don’t want to meet you or be seen with you in public, you might want to consider the situation extra carefully before proceeding. Somebody is hiding something. Are they married?
Good online dating practice is similar to real-life dating in that you should always practice common sense and caution whenever you meet or go out with someone new.
The main difference between online and off-line dating, is that online, the initial introduction and communication takes place almost entirely online, where it is fairly easy to conceal the truth from the other person.
Once you have revealed personal information about yourself, you can’t take it back.
It’s always best to pay attention to one’s instincts and logic when dealing with other people, especially when it comes to online dating.
This is where many people will fall prey to cheaters, deceivers, con artists, and even sexual offenders. They often find that they act against their “better judgement”. In short, if something feels “not right”, it’s probably not. Take the time to check things out more carefully, or move on.
None of the “cautionary” notes that have preceeded should diminish your enthusiam or interest in pursuing online dating. On balance, the benefits, and potential benefits, to you far outweigh the potential risks and pitfalls. There are literally tens of thousands of possibly compatible people out there for you, people that you will enjoy meeting and being with, and people who will enjoy meeting and being with you.
Don’t feel that you have to give all of that up, just because of what “might” happen!
As when beginning any new experience or endeavor, take things slow and easy. Play in the shallow end of the pool at first, and stick with well-established and reputable online dating services. A number of these that I recommend can be found at http://The-Ultimate-Romantic.com/x/Best-Online-Dating-Sites.htm.
You will find that you will quickly “learn the ropes” of online dating, and your confidence will grow. It does not take long at all for you to begin to get a “sense” for who’s being honest and up-front, and who is not.
So be careful, be safe, and by all means, go have some fun!
Desiree Satin is a popular romance author and expert in lovemaking and affairs of the heart. This article may be freely reprinted or posted, as long as the article is not altered in any way, and this resource box and links are left intact. More information and articles may be found at http://The-Ultimate-Romantic.com .